Step parents have been a part of my life since I was 9 years old. The relationship with my step-mom has been hit or miss throughout the years. Never did I think I would be a step-mom, but that all changed when I married my husband in 2016. I wish I had nothing but positives to share about being a step-mom, but sadly that's not the case.
However, today isn't a reflection about me being a step-mom or my own step-mom. Today is a reflection about my three children's Bonus Mom. She has been an active part of their lives for the past 6 years. When she was dating my ex-husband and I knew it was getting serious, I sent her an email welcoming her to the kid's lives and giving her permission to be an active decision maker and participant in their lives. Did she need my permission to be in their lives? Nope. My intention was to make it clear that it takes a village to raise kids and I was happy that she was a part of my children's village. I have always taught my children that she is just as much an adult in their life as compared to their dad or myself, and that they need to follow her rules they same they would follow ours. While this was difficult for me at first, it has made for such a peaceful divorce transition for my kids.
My daughter has been dealing with some things lately, and her Bonus Mom sent me a text over the weekend about it. She wasn't asking for advice, but wanted to make sure how they were handling things at their house was consistent with how we handle things at our house. I shared some resources that I am using and she was thankful. I am beyond grateful for the relationship my kids and I have with her because I couldn't imagine co-parenting with just my ex-husband. She has made co-parenting easier, and I wish more people could experience this type of co-parenting.
Very mature of you to deal with co-parenting this way. I know your children will appreciate it when they get older. I know it is not easy!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a great post! I'm in a similar situation, and am so grateful that everyone gets along. We communicate all the time, and it's so beneficial for our kids. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing such an intimate part of your life. You set such a wonderful tone with your children's bonus mom. What a gift for all of you.
ReplyDeleteYou were so wise to reach out long ago, and I’m so glad you are reaping the benefits. I hope your slice will inspire others who may be at the beginning, angry phase of this and need to see the bigger picture (when you can be the bigger person!)
ReplyDeleteYou were so wise to reach out long ago, and I’m so glad you are reaping the benefits. I hope your slice will inspire others who may be at the beginning, angry phase of this and need to see the bigger picture (when you can be the bigger person!)
ReplyDeleteA beautiful perspective for the benefit of all and especially the children. I have a colleague who says this same thing; exes and everyone get along and they even get together at holidays. How amazing. Love does conquer all. :)
ReplyDeleteHaving adults that love our kids in so important. Thanks for sharing with us about the village you have helped to create for them.
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