Five years ago today my husband said goodbye to his dad. It was a chilly, yet sunny, spring day when we got the call that his dad had not opened his beautiful blue eyes all day. After having Hospice care at his home during the previous two weeks, we knew this call was coming. We headed out to the farm, so that the Hospice nurse could go home and get some rest while we spent the day taking care of him. Josh, my husband, and I fell asleep on the couch shortly after we gave his dad meds to ease his pain. However, Josh was too restless to nap, so he woke up to folder laundry and watch an old TV show. While folding laundry, he heard birds singing outside and in that instant he knew his dad was gone. Josh went to check on his dad and his instinct was correct. His dad peacefully passed away as the birds were chirping about new life outside.
Most people that I know grieve through anger or tears. This would not describe my husband, at all. Josh uses humor to help him cope and grieve through pretty much every situation in life. We had prepared our kids that when his dad passes away he would be cremated. I thought we did a good job explaining what cremation meant to our then 5, 6 and 8 year old kids. I didn't. As soon as I had a free moment, I sent a quick text message to the kids letting them know that Grandpa Tom (who they never had a chance to meet) had passed away a few hours prior. Autumn was only 6 years old at the time, but sent a response that we will always remember.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Is Josh sad? Did they cook him yet?"
This is only one of MANY jokes our family has made to help Josh grieve the death of his father. After "cooking" his dad, his ashes now live on our bookshelf. The eventual goal is to have his ashes spread at Niagara Falls. However, until we are able to organize a trip between Josh and his brother's families to Niagara Falls, Grandpa Tom lives and travels with our family. He even made a trip to Cocoa Beach, FL. and Disney World about a year after his passing. For some people, this humorous relationship with death feels uncomfortable. However, in Josh's case humor is exact what he needed to properly grieve.
It's always interesting to me how people find different ways to grieve. It sounds like Josh has found a way that works for him.
ReplyDeleteIt is so good to have people around you that get you and can appreciate humor, even in challenging times. Wow. That text is priceless. That story will be told over and over again for many years in your family!
ReplyDeleteThat is a family story that will live on! Memories are precious. How we grieve is unique and doesn't necessarily unfold as expected or with consistency across time. I am sure there are more stories to come on the journey.
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